another round of it.

smacked right in the middle of my face.

so we had Dr. Naomi Dowdy over to kick start off the new year this weekend. and very miraculously she talked on faith. theme was living beyond limits. so w/o faith based on His Spirit, you'll be forever bound by logic & common sense , hence , limiting you to every aspects of life.

altar call was for people who want to believe but just couldn't. it's so unfair that God can see right through a person's heart and a person can't see through God's heart. so I've found out during altar call. hahah, okay fine not funny.

I had been dealing with that problem since a very long time already. like whenever a situation comes i tell myself 'alright then, leave what i can't control to God a miracle's bound to happen.' but there'll be a tiny little mean voice in my head saying, 'what if it doesn't happens?'

duh by a million times i went out for it.
and boy are my eyes tire out now but i can't sleep because i just washed my hair & it'll cause a headache if i sleep with my hair wet. well it'll take effect when i'm old - so my mom says. maybe she's just lying , but whatever lah.

all through it i know for a fact that He's right there but it's like there's an invincible barrier around me, distancing me from Him. it sucks. a lot.

na~n dayo~?!?

i don't hear from Him. I don't see Him. as if I'm deaf and blind, totally oblivious towards His presence in my everyday life. yes i hope very much He is there. and i was asking myself, ' is it that He don't speak to me or is it just that my ears needs a little cleaning up? (or my heart but whatever it's just a metaphor)' anyway my asnwer is that my ears are blocked.

naaaaannde?!?!
onegaii-ne, tasukete ! date watashi shinji daro - i bellieve that life isn't meant to be away from God. it was never meant that way.